Caregivers

I don’t want to go where all those “crazy” people are….

Posted by Debbie Pilson in category on January 03, 2012

"everybody there is old or crazy, and I'm not either one!"

Has your loved one said this when you've tried taking him or her to an Adult Day program for a day?

Do you give in to that, and say "okay, sweetheart, you don't have to go then?"

It can be very difficult to "let go" and allow someone else to "look after" your loved one while you have a day to catch up on needed errands, housework or much needed rest.  How long has it been since you've gone out to lunch with a friend or gone shopping and didn't have to worry about the time and getting back home in a hurry?    I've heard caregivers say, "I don't know what to do with my time when my husband or wife (or mom or dad) are gone for a while."  Or one caregiver told me recently, "mom really likes this adult day program, but I've got to get used to be being without her for the day."  

We, as caregivers, are their "security."  In their world of confusion or knowing they are becoming more and more dependent, they need you around them.  BUT they don't need YOU all of the time.  You have to take breaks for your own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health.  Why is it so hard to let go?

Do we think someone else cannot take care of mom or dad like I can?  Do we think we should be able to do it all--take care of the house, the car, the finances, the appointments, the errands, the cooking, the cleaning, the repairs, AND take care of my husband or wife on a daily basis?   Do we think "this is my what I'm supposed to do, so I'll do the best I can.  I promised her I would not put her in a nursing home."  This is admirable, but is it being fair to yourself?  Are you taking care of someone to the detriment of your own health and well -being?   What would happen to your loved one if you became ill and passed away?   And believe me, that happens.

I'm not trying to be harsh or cruel; I just want to encourage people taking care of a loved one to utilize Adult Day Centers and Programs in their area.  If you don't know where one is, call the NCBAM call center at 1-877-506-2226 and they will do the research to see if there is one close to you.  The Alzheimer's Association may have a list of those in your area  1-800-272-3900   www.alz.org

People who work at Adult Day Programs are some of the most caring, compassionate and creative people you'll ever run across.  They can give you tips on how to get your loved one to want to go; they have numerous activities throughout the day.  People can choose or participate or just watch.  The social aspects have a huge positive impact.  People make friends.  Some think they are going to "the club."  Others think they "are going to work" because the staff may ask them to help set the table or clean up.  

And YOU have a day to do something you enjoy doing but never get the chance.  What were your special interests/hobbies earlier in your life?  What is the one thing you miss the most?  Are there special things that you enjoy now or would enjoy doing?  What one thing would you really like to do?