Flowers are blooming and are beautiful this time of year.  Pick a bouquet and take to a senior adult.  Go by the farmer's market and buy some fresh produce for an aging adult you know.  If you have a garden, when fresh vegetables start coming in, take some of those wonderful home-grown tomatoes to a senior.  Most people love tomato sandwiches.   Don't ask if someone needs their yard mowed, just go over and mow it.  Take your weed eater and do some weeding for them.   Most of us have leftovers from a meal; take a plate to someone you know who has difficulty cooking. 

It doesn't take much effort on our part to do something for our wonderful seniors to let them know we care about them, that they are not forgotten.  They will be blessed and you will be too!!

Older adults and especially those with some type of dementia like their routine.  When they are out of their routine, they get stressed.  They do have a right to be who they are at this point in their lives, to do what they want to do as long as it's not hurting themselves or others.  WE think their quality of life would be so better if they were more social, or ate better, or even asked questions of the doctor.  But that is what WE want for them, not necessarily what THEY want.  If we put ourselves in their shoes (and we will all be there someday), we will not want anyone (including our children) telling us what we need to do. 

It is hard to watch mom or dad decline.  It's very difficult to feel that they are lonely, and then they decline when we suggest something.    But why put them under that kind of stress if they don't really want to do something?   If there's some dementia, they may feel embarrassed around others because they cannot carry on a decent conversation.  It may take too much effort to get ready.  It may be exhausting to be around others. 

Enjoy them "in their world."  Hang out with mom or dad as they can still enjoy their daily routine.  Watch TV with them.  Work on word puzzles together if they enjoy doing that.  Sit on the porch with them and enjoy nature.  Slow down to their pace.   

For years, I’ve watched their relationship – one of mother and son, but also one of caregiver and dependent. Now during the final days of my cousin’s life, my family has stepped in to help. Someone stays with them day and night. I am blessed to be part of a family where such support is readily available, no questions, no complaints, just a willingness to help.

As I sit and watch I think about other caregivers facing similar situations alone. How do they cope? When do they rest? I’ve spent two nights this week and I’m exhausted.

For me, it’s a vivid reminder of the support caregivers need and the ministry opportunity open for anyone willing to help.

I hope the others present listened half as well, whether intentionally or accidently.  Smoke alarms, home sprinkler systems, and observing basic safety tips do save lives.  Who knows, the old saying is very true...The life you save may be your own.

Contact NCBAM if you're interested in learning more about home fire prevention.  Then listen well...even if it's accidently.

Smoking can shorten your life and/or reduce the quality of your life.  Multiple studies indicate that smoking can cause respiratory problems...lung infections (colds, influenza, pneumonia, etc), chronic bronchitis (shortness of breath and chronic cough), and emphysema (in advanced stages, emphysema can cause extreme difficulty breathing.  Ordinary activity  becomes difficult, if not impossible.)  Smoking can cause cancers (lung, larynx, mouth, throat, esophagus, kidney, pancreas, cervix, and bladder).  Smoking can cause heart disease...the leading cause of death in the US.  Smoking more than doubles your risk of heart disease and heart attack.  People who smoke are also about twice as likely to have a stroke than people who don't smoke.

Smoking can also reduce the quality of your life.  It yellows the teeth, sours the breath, and empties the pocketbook.  Prolonged smoking even discolors the walls.  It is often offensive and painful for others around you who have allergies and/or breathing concerns.

In the next few weeks I'll be sharing more about possible strategies to quit smoking and/or reduce the smoking habit.  In the meantime, do yourself and your family a big favor.  Begin thinking about all the reasons to stop smoking...your life, your quality of life, the quality of life of your loved ones, and the increased pleasure others will find in your presence.

Please don't be like my dad.  Quit smoking before cancer forces you to stop!

While anyone can prepare a will, the vast majority of estate cases involve wills prepared by non-attorneys.  Early in my legal career I represented a church in the mountains of North Carolina.  In a hand written will, the church had been left a plot of land within a larger tract.  Unfortunately, the description of the real property was so vague, it was impossible to identify which portion of the land was to be given to the church.  Lots of dollars later the matter was finally resolved but this cost could have been avoided with a properly drafted will. Recently, I have had two people ask me to review wills they found “on line”.  One of those wills was invalid under NC law because it failed to use language required by North Carolina law for witnesses and notaries and the 2nd one totally failed to address the issue that was most important to the client. It is nearly impossible for an “on line” will to address all of the issues an individualized  will requires.

Other persons take the position that they do not need a will.  They say they have “told” their children how they want things divided.  This is like the game where everyone passes on what someone at the beginning of the line says.  By the time the information reaches the person at the end of the line, the words are often quite different!  Memories fade.  Recollections differ.  Oral wills, known as “nuncupative wills”  are only valid in VERY LIMITED circumstances in North Carolina. Want a family feud?  If so, “tell” your children how to divide your property.

No will?  Don’t worry!  The State of North Carolina as well as other states will create one for you.  The problem is that you have no input in the terms of YOUR will.  Do you want to leave some money to your favorite charity?  Sorry-there is no provision for that under the North Carolina Intestate Succession Law.  Have a child who you love dearly but who is a “spendthrift” or has a mental or physical disability?  Sorry, there is no provision for a trust under North Carolina’s “will”.

I could go on and on with illustrations of why a properly prepared will is important but , hopefully, these illustrations have sparked some interest in having that done.  You have spent a lifetime acquiring assets.  Isn’t it worth a little investment to get your financial affairs in order?

One fair April—in honor of National Poetry Month—I asked the residents in a nursing facility where I worked to tell me about their favorite poem. On “Poem in Your Pocket Day,” I typed what they had chosen or recited on a sheet of paper, folded the paper and put it in their shirt pockets or in the pockets of their walkers or wheelchairs. Throughout the day, staff and visitors were encouraged to ask residents to show the “poem in their pocket.”

Every resident surprised me—either by the poem that had lingered in their memory or the amount they could recite.

Ruby, in her eighties with traces of red hair, had a peppery personality. Still, she shocked me with the bawdy poem that flowed trippingly off her tongue.

My greatest delight was from a man who spent his days in a stretcher wheelchair and could barely feed himself. Wilson spoke only a few jumbled words at a time. He would accidentally call his CNA the "N-double A-C-P"—a lifelong passion of his revealed through the use of a familiar acronym.

Wilson had lived and worked in Africa. He was a kind man with penetrating eyes whose words were trapped by aphasia—the loss of ability to express speech. I expected little when I asked for his favorite poem. Without breaking eye contact, he recited flawlessly:
   
One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow.
’Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.

I won’t forget that moment. We locked eyes. Mine in amazement and his in pride and relief and joy at the eloquent and long-held words that had escaped from his lips like doves from a cage.

“Poem in Your Pocket Day” is today—April 18, 2013. Celebrate by asking an aging adult about his or her favorite poem.

Comment to this post about your own favorite poem or ones recited to you. We’d love to hear from you!

As part of its ongoing initiative, “Priority #1: Prevention”, North Carolina Baptist Aging Ministry (NCBAM) has partnered with the North Carolina Department of Insurance – Office of State Fire Marshal (OSFM) to reduce accidental death and injury rates for adults 65 and older in North Carolina. Because the aging are twice as likely to be killed or injured by fires or falls—compared to the general population—the two groups share a passionate goal to reduce this statistic.

This partnership provides an opportunity for churches, Associations or other organizations to receive free, 10-year lithium battery smoke alarms for the homes of aging adults. To receive free alarms, participants must attend an Installation Training and provide documentation for the alarms they install. Smoke alarm installation trainings are organized by NCBAM and conducted by OSFM personnel. The two-hour training must have a minimum of 25 attendees and will include:

Smoke alarm education

Smoke alarm safety messaging

Guidelines for installation

Installation practice exercise

Information on the type alarms used

Instructions on completing installation reports

The alarms given to each installer are state-of-the-art lithium battery-powered devices with a ten-year battery life. Each installer should arrive at the training with a plan of action—an idea of how many alarms they plan to install, and a general idea of who the recipients will be (church members, neighbors, community outreach, etc.) Installers will be required to obtain a signed waiver from each recipient and also complete an installation report for each home they service. When these two forms are returned to NCBAM, installers will be eligible to receive additional free alarms for installation. These free alarms will make it possible for any church to have a meaningful ministry in the community.

Refreshments will be served.

Please contact Wendy Minton Edwards, wedwards@bchfamily.org, with the expected number of attendees from each church in order to have sufficient alarms ready for distribution.

Using the next three postings, I will discuss in very general terms documents that I consider essential for every aging adult to have.  Those are a power of attorney (and possibly a separate health care power of attorney), a will and a living will.  Today I will discuss powers of attorney.

Think about several medical conditions that are common to aging adults such as a stroke, dementia or a fall resulting in broken bones and possibly immobility of arms or legs.  If any of these things happened to you, is there someone you have legally designated to handle your affairs?  Is there someone who can sign your tax return, authorize medical treatment, sell your property if needed, and pay your bills?  All of these things and much more are covered by a well-drawn power of attorney.  North Carolina recognizes several different forms of powers of attorney including limited powers of attorney designed to allow someone to perform a limited act on your behalf such as transferring a car. Durable powers of attorney are normally much broader allowing virtually any legal act that you could do to be done by the person or persons you designate.  There can also be separate heath care powers of attorney which authorize a person you designate to authorize medical treatment on your behalf, review your medical records, get a second opinion and perform any act you could perform in obtaining, or refusing medical care. While I like to incorporate heath care powers within the durable power of attorney, there are sometimes good reasons to have separate documents. A power of attorney has to be witnessed and notarized to be effective, and once signed, will continue until death unless revoked by you while you are mentally competent.  In later postings, I will discuss powers of attorney in greater detail and will be happy to address any questions on these documents or any legal issues of general interest.  Send questions to pmarth@pgbc.com. 

Paul Marth is an attorney and the minister of senior adults at Pleasant Garden Baptist Church.