Issues

I Don’t Want to Be a Bother

Posted by Paige Richardson in category on January 20, 2012

I don’t want to be a bother.   It’s such a hassle for you to come pick me up.   I’m always bumming rides with you.

Some times it’s a challenge for aging adults to accept our help. They are a generation of survivors. Asking for help can signal weakness or dependence, which is feared because of loss of control over one’s life. Many reasons, besides just being stubborn or headstrong, prevent frail aging from accepting the help they need to allow them to be independent for a longer period of time.

Elder Care Solutions offers the following suggestions:

• Help an elder accept help by first acknowledging the loss that the needed assistance represents. Allow time for denial and grief before coming to the “rescue” with a ready answer.”
• Communicate, through an open discussion of concerns, the intent to do things “with” rather than “for” the individual. Explore and offer choices – rarely is there only one “right” choice. Don't expect the recipient to feel good about making the choice. A person can learn to accept help, and at the same time be sad about the need for it.
• Provide ample opportunities and challenges for an older adult to give to others. The capacity to offer and share something with others gives a person a sense of well-being and potency – a “reason to rise in the morning.”
• Ease the fear of being a burden on other by encouraging the aging adult to share their insights and experiences. You can encourage mutuality with gentle encouragement, such as, “I miss hearing from you” or “what do you think about it…”